Must...update...blog...

Oh my, so much to say, and now I've got to type it up with one finger on my little phone. No Internet access for the laptop where we are living now...

After nine months living at the Whitney's farm in frankly a bizarre and hellish vortex of thwarted expectations, we finally extracted ourselves and set up camp down at Anini Beach Park. Yup, that's Hawaiian for homeless. We have a small storage unit for our minimal possessions. We camped there for almost four weeks, taking down every Tuesday morning for park maintenance and setting up again on Wednesday. Oh I am so thankful for gentle Anini, and the opportunity to be autonomous once more with no one judging every move I make. And at the same time, we couldn't stay there for much longer with having to take down and set up every week, all while one of us is working every day and the other is managing 3 kids and a van packed literally to the ceiling.

So...just a few days ago, we moved to Spirit of the Earth Farm in Moloaa. We are camping here and setting up our permanent spot, clearing out some jungle to make room for us. I'll post some pictures when I figure out how to load them from my phone. Anyways, we will be living fairly primitively, with just a spigot for access to well water. Jonathan already made a little composting toilet for us. And he's been working nonstop to clear the jungle and set up our tarp roof. We won't have electricity until we can afford a small set up for solar power. And we've got a propane water heater for our shower.

In many ways, this is the dream. This farm is full on producing food for two farmers markets and a couple grocery stores as well as a local restaurant. And the owner Marie is in desperate need of the skills we have. There are 2 other families living here as well as a couple single folks. It's a sweet little community. We hope to settle in and finally be of use here while somehow managing to keep our other jobs to earn cash. Living here on the farm is a work trade agreement. We will be doing about 15 hours a week to live here. That includes being able to eat some food from the gardens.

And in many ways, I think to myself "this is the dream???" as the propane stove breaks while I'm trying to cook dinner for 3 starving and filthy children. We all literally went to bed hungry last night. I am tested by my fears of sinking to deeper levels of the "worst mom in the world" category.

And then I remind myself that filthy children climbing trees harvesting edible flowers for the lettuce mix playing with the other kids all day jumping in 6 foot piles of cleared guinea grass IS the dream. Just got to let go of how I used to think it should look. My children are wild right now. They are totally in their element. They are not always clean polite and well dressed. We gave up hair brushing several months ago.

Anyways, Christmas snuck up on us this year. I picked up $15 worth of random decorations at the thrift store the other day and yesterday we all decorated the edge of the jungle at our new camp. We are broke and any cash flow we have is being used to set up a little home here. So we plan to pick up a little something for the girls to open Christmas morning. Many thanks to the grandparents for sending some fun for them to open. And we've got some wonderful friends here who have offered to have us over for Christmas Eve.

I hope you all are well and warm this holiday season. I better get up and start some breakfast for the hungry little ones. There's oh so much more to share, but for now...Merry Christmas!

Love,
Heidi

Scarlet is Nine Months Today!

In honor of Scarlet reaching the ripe age of 9 months, yup, that's 9 months in my belly and 9 months out now, I thought I'd get my butt to the computer to download some recent photos.  We did a mini photo shoot today with her wearing a pair of wings I just made yesterday.  Here's a little movie of her crawling...

Sorry about the sideways camera angle.

How about a few more photos...

The squirmy fairies!  Tried to get a good shot of the three together...

The pillow wings.

Anyways...she sure is a cutie.  We enjoy her bubbliness very much.  She's got tan lines in her chub rolls.  And she's got the greatest giggle.  Thank God, really, that she's around to keep us from taking life too seriously.

I've promised myself I'll get to bed by 10, but I'd like to give you all a bit of an update before then, so I'll do my best.  Another title for this update could be "This Isn't A Vacation" or "Coming Up for Air" or "What were we thinking?!" or...  Seriously, it was quite arrogant of us to think we could fly back to this amazing island and have life suddenly start to fall in place just because we showed up.  We forgot about how this place is like the best kind of Grandmother.  You know, the one that loves you deeply but isn't afraid to smack you upside the head when you are being a knucklehead.  So yes, humility, we meet again. 

Here are a few of the things we've learned in the last couple months:  
1. Just because we think it's a good idea, doesn't mean it is. 
2. Being on "Island Time" means being on the island's timing.
3. Checking in with the divine force behind all else is a good idea.
4. Minnesota Nice is a complete waste of time here.
5. Pretending I know anything is a complete waste of time here.
6. Even though I am deathly afraid of the ocean, I've got to get past the turbulent shore break if I want to learn to flow with the currents.
 7. No one is going to fix my life and make it perfect.  This is it.  Stop complaining and start enjoying the beauty.  I'm the only one who can choose a positive thought over a negative one. 
8. My family loves the bejeezus out of me and just wants me to be happy.
9. Supplements are very helpful in keeping the brain chemistry on track for said happiness.
and
10. I am a much happier mommy when I get some consistent time alone.

So, how about some more photos from the last month...

A family hike up the infamous trail where we met.

Scoped out a hidden sunset view.

Sweet Maggie with her project at the library storytime.

Dinner at our little table.  Zinnias from the field.

A Father's Day picnic.

Love that a screaming sister doesn't phase them.

Like I've said before...Jonathan always takes the most becoming pictures of me.

That's all for now.  Gotta get some sleep tonight.  Hope you all are well.
Love,
Heidi and the rest of the gang

Falling Into Place

I had a dream the other night, in the early hours of the morning...I was in Wisconsin, east of my parents' place about 10 miles, in what I thought was Baldwin.  I was striding home along the highways that I know well, running and bounding with the grace of a gazelle (very differently than how I run in reality) and I took a turn down a road that I thought I knew would take me straight home.  I stumbled onto someone's farm and looked around confused.  There were people there harvesting something I didn't recognize, and when I looked closer I realized the whole landscape was something I didn't recognize.  I asked them directions to get home and they said, "Oh, you're not in Wisconsin!  This is Kauai!"  They told me I was way around on the other side of the island, and I realized just how far I had to go to get "home".  Shortly after that, one of the girls woke me up.

So, I'm sure that was just a random dream and has no real meaning or anything, right??  Please if you have thoughts, do share.

We've had a rough couple months, dealing with our own demons and foiled expectations.  After almost throwing in the towel, things are starting to slowly unfold here.  Lots has shifted this last week.  I finally emailed home to some friends with an SOS and was reminded how much I love the people in my life.  I must remember to reach out sooner when life grips me by the throat.  Anyways, in addition to receiving some amazing moral and physical support, we also received news from our friend Ted that they will no longer be buying our house due to a job offer on the west coast and an opportunity not to be missed.  The news had a funny effect on me.  It actually brightened my world again, because I think I had let myself feel trapped here when things weren't working out and we had nothing to go back to.  Suddenly, moving back to our house was an actual possibility again and I was given the gift of choosing to be here.  Jonathan and I sat down for a good talk and we realized how far we had drifted from our original intention to be here, and how circumstances had really sucked the life out of our inspiration.  We recreated why the hell we wanted to do this in the first place...because we are here on this planet to be connected to the world around us, and to provide that space for our children.  We also want to provide that opportunity for everyone, to connect everyone to their own source and inspiration. 

We can do that anywhere on the planet.  And we choose to be here for now.

So, our house is on the market again, in case anyone you know is interested.  And Jonathan had a meeting with Matt Kirk of Kauai Nature School and Kauai Wild (a hiking tour guide business) and they are both very excited to be working together as partners now.  It's such a relief for me to see Jonathan lit up again.

His wife, Kimberly, and I have become friends and are going to a class together down at the Community College called the Sustainable Farm and Garden Training Course.  I'm hoping to be a sponge for everything I can learn about growing in this climate.  So far the class is a lot af what I've already learned in other courses or just from my own experience,  but I'm really enjoying meeting all the folks that are up to some amazing things here and getting to work on their projects.

I've also been making some clothes for the girls recently, which has been a longtime dream of mine, to have the time for that.  Here's a few examples:

It wraps around and snaps in the front.  Super easy to make.

I don't have a good picture of the whole outfit, a twirly skirt and matching reversible shirt.

Maya and Maggie's outfits are made out of the fabric from the dolls I made for them a couple years ago.  Scarlet's purple shirt ties in the back and is reversible, made out of some beautiful batik fabric that Julie let me have from her stash.  The green linen shirt Scarlet is wearing I made from fabric I dyed in a frenzy one of my last nights in Minneapolis and brought here with me. 

I told my friend Kimberly that I've been dreaming of having a stand at the farmer's market to sell all sorts of things, like the kids' clothing, jewelry, Calderesque mobiles made of coral and wire, and fairy houses made by Jonathan.  She said she's always wanted to do the same with her artwork (amazing, by the way) but she never wanted to do it alone.  We decided to do it together and have a goal to be ready for it in 3 weeks.  I've got some sewing to do!

Anyways...in other news, we've also been meeting with a couple who just bought some beautiful land near us and is turning it into a venue for learning.  Not necessarily a school, but more a collection of freelance teachers who use the space for whatever they are passionate about.  They are very excited for Jonathan to bring the nature awareness curriculum.  And they very much would like to have gardening and agricultural opportunities for the kids and are excited to hear that I would love to help with that.  Mmm...it's good to be dreaming and creating again.

It's late here and I better head to bed before the children start waking up.  There's always more to share, but it'll have to wait for another night.  Please leave a comment and let me know how you are doing.  We miss you all!  I'll leave you with a few more pictures from the last few weeks.
Love,
Heidi

The field, finally planted.  It's already grown so much since this picture.

Jonathan fixing the wagon.  Notice the haircut.

My mother's day present was these earrings Jonathan bought from a lady at the end of our road.

Giggling in the swing, pushes from the big sisters.

Our staple, veggie soup.  We blend it up after an hour or so, yum yum!

Challenges

Finally...the weather matches my mood.  It's a chilly and blustery stormy day.  I feel like hunkering down by a fire under a blanket with a bowl of soup.  Not many days like that here.  Maybe that's why I've been feeling so out of place lately.  It's so beautiful here, it just seems ridiculous to have a rough day.  But that's what we've been having.  I've been wanting to update you all, but waiting until things start falling into place to post about it.  Well, I'm just going to have to go ahead without the convenience of life looking good.

So...I knew that marrying Jonathan meant grabbing his hand and jumping off the cliff into the enormous ocean of adventure that life is.  I spent the first 5 years of our marriage resisting the jump, (you know how when you stand there long enough looking down you can totally psych yourself out), but moving here was finally really trusting him to stay with me when the waves got rough.  And that has proven true.  We are with each other more than ever in this challenge to create a family life here. 

Our Plan A dissolved, and we've been so busy just getting by that we didn't realize how discouraged we were.  We've finally started to let go of the ideas we had about how life would look here, and only then will that create some space for Plan B, C, D, or Zed to emerge. 

Our small nest egg from the estate sale is long gone.  We've stopped "needing" things so we can hang onto our last $40.  We have just a bit of cash flow now with harvesting the bananas and selling them to the local fruit stand.  About $100 a week.  The nature school Jonathan was hoping to work with is on hold indefinitely in the wake of the death of Matt and Kimberly's baby.  We have been talking with several other folks who are starting something similar, and perhaps that will prove to be the next curve on our path. 

It baffles me how we earned and spent several thousand dollars a month back in Minneapolis, and now we are living on a fraction of that and making it work.  Well, sort of making it work.  We are quite stressed, really, about the cash flow thing.  We've got a lot of possibility for investments for the future, but not much immediate return.  We have starts in the greenhouse finally, and some plants in the field.  We have rough plans for having a couple dozen chickens here for eggs, but still need to build the infrastructure.  We are busy all the time, and rarely get a break. 

We miss you all, and I miss our old house and our old garden.  I think it's just the feeling of familiarity that I miss.  The comfort.  The theme song from Cheers keeps playing in my head..."Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name...and they're always glad you came..."

Anyways, enough about the challenges.  On the flip side, the girls are doing well.  We spend 90% of our day outside.  We've been slowly settling in, and we're using our resources here for some fun projects, like making coconut milk.  There are hundreds of coconuts around here, just waiting for us to do something with them.  Look forward to some photos soon.  We've also been spending a lot of time in the kitchen with Julie, making sauerkraut, water kefir, gingered carrots, homemade yogurt and yogurt cheese.  The girls especially liked the pink sauerkraut, made with green and purple cabbages.  We eat out on the lanai (porch) for every meal, unless we decide to throw down a blanket under the ice cream bean tree for a picnic.  I will do a little video tour soon, so you can get a sense of what our life looks like now. 

Jonathan is currently on a little solo camping trip, back down on the beach where he was living when I met him.  He's also taken a camping trip with Maya for some special daddy-daughter time.  Here's a photo from their beach adventure, hiking three beaches over for drinking water.

Maggie got to sleep out in the tent the other night with him, back in the "secret spot" that he discovered, behind the naupaka.  He's a hot commodity these days, everybody wants special time, including me.  Here's a picture of him up in the monkey pod tree getting a better view of the sunset.

And here's a few other shots from the past month...

Windblown at the beach

 The Easter Bunny came a day late this year because we forgot to dye the eggs til Sunday morning.  This is the table on the lanai where we all eat, and the view from where we sit.

Frozen pea snack

Hollerin'

 A tea party under the ice cream bean tree, with a new friend, Meila.

That's all for now.  I'll post more photos soon of our place and some of the projects we've got going on.  I hope you all are well.  Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there!  Goodnight!
Love,
Heidi