Huebners in Hawaii

Hello Friends,
We've been back in Wisconsin for a month now and I've been itching to give you all a final update from our adventures on Kauai. Many thanks to our friends there who helped in so many ways to get us packed up and on the plane. Shannon, Mindy, Yvette, Kim, and Chandra, you guys rock! Thank you to you and your families for all of your support, so grateful to have you all in our lives.

I want to just post a few photos from our last month on Kauai and tell a bit more of our story. What an amazing ride! Was it all a dream? It's so hard to tell looking out the window here at the cottonwoods and maple trees. We've had a couple cold viruses travel through our family in our first few weeks here, so we are a bit slow to get on our feet and be out in the world and in communication. Please forgive us as we slowly catch up.

So, my last post mentioned that Jonathan and I were planning to renew our vows on the Anahola mountains. We did, indeed, manage that feat. And I've got a few photos to share from the day. The tall peak below is Kalalea, we made it up to the backside of the saddle in the middle there.

After several hours of hiking/bushwacking, we found just the spot for our ceremony. This is a Despacho offering we put together with ti leaves, poi, fresh ahi, flowers the girls picked for us, and several different kinds of seeds for the new future.

We bundled this all up inside the ti leaves and left it tucked into a nook in the mountain.

Our friend Teo made the leis and headdresses for us and here Jonathan is putting his gift of a beautiful necklace on me.


Sealed with a kiss...and then the hike back down the mountain. Such an epic journey, so many lessons along the way. Even the way home we of course said to ourselves, "Oh, this should be easy now, let's take this shortcut." But alas, we found ourselves lost and bushwacking through major thorns for two hours. Finally, after an exasperated and courageous push through the cat's cradle, we stumbled back to the stream and the trail. Never been so thankful to see a spot I recognized. And there's nothing like sprinting up the trail to get to the trailhead before darkness falls on a new moon.

Since we didn't bring the girls up the mountain with us, we celebrated with them the next morning at home.


Everybody wanted a turn with the headdresses.

And then, there was Kalalau. For those of you who have not been there, it is hard to describe in words the immense beauty and power of this valley. As most of you know, Jonathan and I met on the epic 11 mile trail to this remote place, only accessible on foot or by boat. I have had a recurring nightmare for years that we are on Kauai and I realize in horror that our flight leaves soon and we didn't make it back to visit Kalalau. So, you can imagine that it was a high priority to miraculously find a way to get our whole family back there for a visit before we flew back to Minneapolis. The miracle came from an old friend of Jonathan's from Alaska, David Lakota, who you see pictured below on the boat with us. He lives back in Kalalau for long stretches, stewarding the valley and helping visitors come and go. A "guardian of aloha" you could say. David got us in touch with Captain Burt, who was the most dependable of the boat captains, and we were able to boat the whole family out for a week in the enchanted Kalalau. Oh, did I mention the waves are big enough that boats cannot land on shore, so we all had to jump out into the ocean and swim to shore? Yeah. The girls were pretty brave about it, but they may need some therapy later. And our gear was triple bagged in plastic contractor bags and tossed overboard to float to shore.

Here's the girls and I watching the sunrise from the boat. That's David behind me. Scarlet had a death grip around my shoulders the whole ride.

After landing, several friends of David's helped carry all of our gear about a mile to an amazing camp spot at the base of the Kalalau River. This is Maya and Maggie with our friend Nasstasia.

At our blessed camp spot. The girls spent hours doing this. Playing in the river, looking for stones.

Here's Maya in her true Mermaid form.

The view up valley from our water hole. That's the heiau up on the right.

Our humble abode for the week.

A view of the whales jumping.

Scarlet and I

Jonathan in the kitchen

Keepin' their skirts dry on a river crossing.

Maya and Maggie discovered peridot embedded in all the lava rock up on the point above our campsite, and set up a crystal shop. Most stones cost a handful or so of naupaka leaves.

Jonathan made Scarlet a pair of shoes from a yoga mat we found.

She got a couple wounds on the bottom of her feet and was complaining about walking around, but we hadn't brought any shoes for her with us. Jonathan to the rescue.

Maggie in her fairy world

The day before the boat was coming to pick us up again, we all hiked up to the heiau to give thanks and say a prayer for calm waves the next day.

A pinch of tobacco

Those peaks behind me are the elders looking down on the valley.

And our last supper on the beach in Kalalau...

I am so so thankful to have had the opportunity to be there with my family. The girls truly blossomed that week. Jonathan was gifted to me 8 years ago by the ocean and this magical place. I am so humbled by all that spirit is asking me to become.

After our trip, we had 5 days to wrap everything else up and pack the last boxes. Here's a couple last photos of our camp.

Wherever I live, my kitchen is my vortex of chaos and creativity.

And here's a few last shots of the girls and I at Hanalei Bay.

Here's where I was going to say "and signing of for now from Kauai"...

but I just received some scary news and want to ask for your support. Our friends the Kirk's just had an emergency cesarean birth last night and their 2 lb 11 oz son is on Oahu with Matt in the NICU while Kim is in recovery on Kauai. These are the same friends that lost their full-term baby in childbirth a year and a half ago, 5 days before we moved to Kauai. They have a 7 year old daughter as well. Please pray for them. They have a long and difficult road ahead of them, and are in a desperate financial situation. If you are in a position to help them at all with any of the expensive travel bills between hospitals, please consider sending them something to their paypal account at info@artsoutloud.com or to their postal address:
PO Box 223425
Princeville, HI 96722

These are friends that supported us through so many difficult places in our journey on Kauai. I wish I was there now to help.

Not much really matters in life but our family and friends. I am so thankful to have the support of you all.

Signing off for now, but you'll hear from me again soon. Possibly from a new blog as we write the next chapter of our life. I'll keep you posted.

Much love to you all,
Heidi and family

Hi All,
Well...I finally elbowed out a time for myself to sit here at the bakery and type up another update. Jonathan and the girls are off to the lighthouse or the beach or somewhere...

Thank you to all who replied with support to my last blog post right before Christmas. Thank you especially to the friends and family who generously sent us some financial help, including an anonymous chunk that really saved us from drowning in the stress of "not enough". We have been able to catch our breath and finally look around to see where we are, who we are, and where we want to go. Here's some of the basics of where we are at...

We are still living at Spirit of the Earth Farm in Moloa'a at a camp we built. It's a pole framed tarp structure for the roof with pallets and plywood for a platform under our tents. We've got hot water to a shower and kitchen sink, thanks to Jonathan's master jerry rigging skills. We recently dragged a bathtub over to our camp so now the kiddos have outdoor bath-time after dinner most nights. We've got a propane triple burner cast iron stove and a table and chairs for mealtime. We even have a couple comfy chairs for lounging. No electricity though. There's a fridge now, about 100 feet away from our camp that is plugged into the grid over at the barn. We do about 20 hours of labor on the farm each week as a trade for living there. We help with the weekly harvest and production for 2 farmer's markets, as well as all sorts of other tasks from cleaning up piles of junk for the dump to painting new signs for market. The kids love it there. We live right next to another family with two kids, Rios is 7 and Christiama is 4. Maya wakes up at 6am and asks to go help Marie (the owner) feed the ducks and chickens. Maggie has her own fairytale world created under the Norfolk Pine trees, and Scarlet is happy to follow all the kids around.

Here's the few shots I have of our camp...if you're a Facebook friend of mine you will have already seen these.

Jonathan assembling the roof, we weed-wacked and raked away the jungle to clear this spot

An early shot of our kitchen, before Jonathan built a couple counters

Dinner with some friends over, Mindy, Star, Thomas, and Friendly the dog

The view from the composting toilet

Flash flooding during a recent tropical storm

Life without electricity...dinner is served

Scarlet being a really good sport for dress-up time

What a ride this has all been! Last weekend the whole island was hit by a huge tropical storm, with mudslides, highway wash-outs, and bridge closings. We took cover at a friend's house to ride it out, since the 50 mile an hour gusts of wind were just too dangerous to risk hanging out at our camp. It's all in one piece, but pretty darn wet. Kauai has its way of returning every human possession back into the earth. Our friend's organic farm lost all of their lettuce in the field and their whole greenhouse was destoyed. For us, the mildew and mold set in fast when things don't have a chance to dry out. It's a big lesson in surrendering to the force of mother nature. And I am not always graceful with that lesson, especially when we've already given up so much. Today is the first sunny day all week, and now there is word that another big storm system is rolling in tomorrow through this weekend. Oy!

Well, enough about the weather.

The real news is that we are becoming clear that our time living here is coming to a close. Wow, yes, a big deal I know! We moved here for several reasons, to reconnect with the planet and with ourselves, to provide this amazing playground of an island for our kids to explore, and perhaps most importantly...to reveal and heal everything that is in the way for us to fulfill our highest purpose. Now this last piece I know isn't a destination, and I'm not saying we've got it all figured out, but enough of the pieces have been revealed that we are feeling the pull back Home (with a capital H) to the midwest. I think we both had some selfish wish that we would be able to live here permanently, but deep down we knew that Kauai is a place of pilgrimage for each of us and we will always be directed to bring those seeds back home to be planted and tended. Our life here has only blossomed when we have owned the fact that our time here is limited and our future lies elsewhere.

Where, you ask? Well, we've been talking often with my parents about the possibility of building on the 6-acre piece of land by the oaks on the eastern part of their land. They have owned the land since I was 5, and I guess I've always dreamed of living there, not knowing that my parents also had a plan to give each of my siblings and I a section of the land in their inheritance. Well, it's not clear yet if it will be financially possible to turn the deed over to us now so that we can legally build there. And it's also not clear yet if we will be able to use the land in the ways that we hope...to build an off the grid homestead/farm/nature connection school etc. Here's a couple links to the type of house we are dreaming up:

A Low Impact Woodland Home
House Alive!--Cob Building

We have a lot of inspiring ideas about what our farm would provide for the community, including a CSA, a permaculture test site and workshop location, nature connection classes for kids and adults, a venue for other teachers, and in general a weaving of cultural healing. Imagine monthly bonfires, storytelling, a weekly farm day for the kids, an indoor classroom space and commercial kitchen for classes on making your own herbal tinctures, etc....

If you've got ideas for us, please toss them out into the pot. We are making a big ol' pot of Stone Soup with this endeavor. We are also looking for ideas for fundraising or potential grants for a project like this. If this all becomes a go, we plan to move back this spring in a month or two and see about doing some of our old work to get ourselves on our feet again. We have a lot of phone calls to make to see if there is any work for us, knowing the economy is still in a rough place and we've been gone for more than a year.

Before I get too far into talk of the future, I want to share a bit more about our journey here and the humbling roller coaster experience we've had. We've learned a lot about what works and especially what doesn't work for us. Living our life intimately connected with the rhythms of the earth works for us. Being dirt poor does not. Living an inspiring life, deeply guided by a relationship with spirit is essential for us. We've learned so much helping other folks with their vision, and now we are feeling ready to step into our own. And let me tell you, we couldn't do it without the experience this year has brought us. We were living from our wounds, letting them run the show, trying to force ourselves to be something we are not. It is so liberating to step out of that trap. I could let myself create the story that this was all a failure, and I did, for a few days. Then Jonathan reminded me that I was probably creating that story to sabotage a powerful future so I wouldn't feel the threat of bigger failure. So thankful for his commitment to the light.

Which brings me to an acknowledgement of perhaps the most important thing that we've done here. Through the support of friends here on the island helping with childcare, both Jonathan and I were able to participate in and complete an 8-month shamanic apprenticeship with Chandra Porter of Sonco Via. With her mentoring, we've taken on some of our deepest wounds and learned to stand empowered in the presence of each other for the first time. We learned to recognize and embrace our shadow and integrate it with our light. Looking back on our relationship of 8 years, we know that our shadows were locked in a power struggle. It's amazing we're still together really. But again, I've got to acknowledge Jonathan for his commitment to the light, and myself for the same. We really didn't have access to pushing through the muck, until we took this illogical leap of faith moving here. And finally a space has opened for us to show up humbly and with love. It was the week of our final class with Chandra that I drove home from her beautiful land, past the Anahola mountains. I looked up at them in the setting sun and got a message clear as day that "Your work here is done." My response was "What?! But I was just getting settled and wanted to relax into living here finally!" And again, the message, "Your work here is done."

Jonathan and I have plans to get married again, this time weaving our light firmly together, on top of those mountains before we go. Chandra said she would be honored to do the ceremony.

There isn't much else for us to do here...make it out to Kalalau and to the place on the trail where we met, complete a few projects on the farm, and say our many many prayers of gratitude to this blessed island. She provides the perfect mirror for your soul's path.

On that note, I'm going to close with some more photos from the last few months...